butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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