Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
