I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
