mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
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I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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