she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
