I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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