Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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