She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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