so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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