She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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