Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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