Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
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I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
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U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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