I wish I could teleport
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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