Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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