And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
