Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
