Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
