Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
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I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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