my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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