On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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