Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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