ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm like, not good at living.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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