im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
