Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize