I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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