i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
