I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
