Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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