i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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