I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
