escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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