Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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