Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
