but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
