For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
