actually, I'm a sock model
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
