If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
