i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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