Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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