This dress was meant to end up on your floor
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't deserve a penis
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
