UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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