3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
