Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
