you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
