I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
