Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
