I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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