so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
