he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
