I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
