highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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