i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
