Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
