i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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