i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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