I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
