sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
