Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
