do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
