Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
