My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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