as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
