Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
