Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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