She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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