She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
