The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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