She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
