watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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