Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
