dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
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We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize