im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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