dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
