It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
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the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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