you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
