you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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