some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
